Not so Low Carb - The Joy Of Porridge

Well I have made a new discovery and that is porridge. Not that I haven't eaten it in the past, but now it feels like a real find and I am loving it.

I have been on this restricted calorie programme (1200 calories a day) since 3rd of March and great news, it has helped me blast through my weight plateau and I have lost 4.6 kgs over the past four weeks! But one of the downsides is that I have been feeling quite tired, especially at the gym. Getting through my cardio and weight workouts has been somewhat of a struggle. I guess because of the limited calories and the fact that I don't or didn't eat any complex carbohydrates. So, I decided, why not try porridge for breakfast and see if, like other carbs, it adversely affects my weight loss. I know oats are low GI and therefore slow release energy, they are good for lowering cholesterol, keeping blood pressure normal and for fibre. So there is a lot going for them. Anyway, I have had porridge for breakfast the last 3 days and not only has it tasted great and filled me up, but it has not stopped my weight loss and it has given me energy to take me right through to lunch time. So I think this is a keeper, at least for the time being anyway.

And, on this food thread, the other thing I discovered for myself as a sweet treat, is steamed apple with raisins and cinnamon, served with low fat natural yoghurt. It tastes sweet and delicious, a bit like apple crumble (without the crumble), and it really fills those sweet cravings when you could just eat a pudding or icecream or chocolate. Plus it is incredibly low in calories. I guess this low calorie thing has made me more creative when it comes to food, it makes me think harder about what I can and can't eat and a lot of the time I really enjoy it.

I don't see myself as being on a diet, I see this as a new and healthier way of eating full stop. I will increase my calories back up to about 1500 at some point, but beyond that I am not going to go back to a high carb diet ever. I am going to keep on with this even after I get to my goal weight because for me it is healthy and good and I have learnt to enjoy it. And that feels great.

LMN

Another Day on the Treadmill

Just another day. Not on the actual treadmill because I haven't been using it much, but the treadmill that is one day after the next. Not a lot to report today actually. The highlight was my two flat whites (coffees for those not from Oz). Normally I have one a day as a treat because it does eat into the 1200 calories a day that I am currently limited to, all that milk. But today, I got up late so missed breakfast and therefore found myself with extra calories left over. And so I had a second one and it was great! You still have to have treats, even when calorie counting and coffee is a definite must in my life. Probably sounds pathetic to be so thrilled about 2 coffees in a day, but there you go... thats what does it for me currently.

Tomorrow night I am meeting up with some old work mates at a bar in town which should be fun. But I am going to abstain from drinking as that really is the stairway to calorie and weight gain hell for me. I would rather have no drinks than one drink, because once I have the taste for it - a cocktail or a nice glass of wine, it will be damn hard to stop at one. Especially when everyone else is doing rounds. And then after a few drinks suddenly the desire to eat wedges and mayo, hot chips or some other kind of fried or fatty food will be too difficult to resist... So abstain I will. I am quite used to it these days actually so it shouldnt be too bad. And then I find on the odd occasion when I plan a big night out (and work extra hard at the gym), it doesn't take many drinks before I am a bit squiffy so the damage isn't as bad as it once was when I had more resistance.

Ah well, enough of this. Not a lot to report so I will wait until I do.

Night.

little miss normal

Accepting Me For Who I Am

As I was lying in bed last night trying to get to sleep I started thinking about this whole weight loss thing and how ever since I have had a weight problem - going on most of my life since I was about 7 or 8 - I have always wanted people to accept me for who I am.

I used to think, 'well if they don't accept me as me' (fat and all) then that is their loss... they are superficial and not worth knowing or having in my life. Whilst in terms of relationships, I felt that whoever I ended up with would truly love me for who I am and would see me as beautiful. And the thing is, I did find someone who totally loved me (and was terrific) and he saw me as beautiful and attractive even at my biggest. But that didn't matter, because I didn't love ME the way I was. I didn't accept myself. And what I now realise is, if I can't accept myself as a fat person, why should I expect other people to? Plus, more importantly, even if they do (and many people did), that isn't going to change how I fundamentally feel about me.

My loving partner used to tell me all the time how pretty I was, how beautiful and attractive. And he meant it. But half the time I didn't hear it and the rest of the time I didn't believe it. I just felt he was trying to be nice which frustrated the hell out of him. So I suppose what I am trying to say is, that this journey is about me coming to terms with who I am and learning to love myself inside and out. It doesn't matter what other people say or think, ultimately I need to feel comfortable and happy with my body as well as with who I am as a person. Sounds deep I know but it is the truth. I am sure I will touch on this topic many times in my blog because it is a big issue in my journey towards becoming (and most importantly) feeling normal.

I met a friend for coffee today and she commented on my latest weight loss which made me feel good. And because we are close, I discussed a little of this with her. She was suprised that I didn't feel that I am normal yet (in terms of size), because to her I am. But she understood that it is about me coming to terms with my body and my size and loving myself at the size I am. I know that it is not just a case of getting on the scales one day and reaching my goal weight and then suddenly everything will fall into place and I will feel normal and accepting of my body and myself as a person. It is a much more complicated and difficult journey than that, and that is partly why I think so many people fail (me in the past included). Because as they get closer to where they thought they wanted to be they start to realise that the weight isnt the be all and end all. That they won't suddenly love everything about themselves and their lives when they get to that magical number on the scales - or they don't realise it until they get there and then they are so disappointed or disillusioned that weight loss hasn't been the ultimate solution to everything that they pile the weight back on.

So this time around, I am not under that illusion. I know that to like my body I needed to lose weight, and to love my body, I need to lose a bit more - although I am starting to develop an appreciation of it in a way I never could before. But beyond that, I have also been working on understanding myself as a person, recognising my insecurities and my vulnerabilities and trying to work through them. Because the weight is one factor in feeling bad about myself (and it has been a big one!!!) but it isn't or hasn't been the only one. Ultimately, like most of us I guess, I want to get to a point of feeling pretty good about myself most of the time. I am much further along that path then I was when I started, over half way I would say, but there is still some distance to go. The main thing though is that it is moving in the right direction. A little more each day.

Little Miss Normal

Under 13 Stone!

So today I hopped on the scales and I am 82 Kgs and that means under 13 stone!!! I am so happy, the smile that appeared on my face just doesn't want to disappear.

Now I know to a lot of people, 13 stone sounds like a lot of weight, especially if we take into account that I am only 1 metre 56 centrimetres tall - or about 5 foot, 1 and a half. But to me, this is a triumph and a turning point! I have really been looking forward to this day. Because my final goal weight is 65 kgs, or under 10 and a half stone (10 stone, 3 pounds something). So to be under 13 stone means that I have less than 3 stone left to lose until I get there. Actually, I have 2 stone, 9 and a half pounds to go.That feels achievable and like it is not too far away... So I say, bring it on.

Up until recently I was quite resistant to tell people what my goal weight was. I think because I thought they would laugh at me or tell me it wasn't possible or that I was being unrealistic. And you know what, part of me felt that too. If I did mention it I would say, I want to get to under 11 stone if it is possible. I always added 'if it is possible' on the end to cover myself because I secretly doubted that it was possible. So I was recently at the gym talking to this trainer, an Australian guy (so I can relate being Aussie myself), and in his typical matter of fact way he delivered a profound message to me. We were discussing my weight loss, or lack of due to the plateau I had been experiencing. I told him how much weight I had already lost but that I wasn't ready to stop losing, that ideally, I wanted to get under 11 stone (65 kgs to be exact 'if it is possible'). And he turned to me and said, 'anything's possible. Whatever you set your mind to you can achieve'. I felt like I had been hit by a brick. It was the first time I had ever told someone my goal and been met with that reaction. He didn't doubt I could achieve it, didn't think it was even out of the ordinary. He just said, if you want it, you can get there. And that is when I realised, I can. Stop thinking I might get there, start reinforcing that I will get there. Because a big part of feeling and being normal, is accepting that I can be like everyone else. And ultimately, that is what I long for, hence my name - Little Miss Normal.

But anyway, back to todays triumph and that magical 82 kgs appearing on the scales. This has motivated me to drag myself to the gym later, after having some lunch, despite feeling low in energy and at that time of the month that I am achey and sore. But I know it will make me feel better anyway, exercise always does. Plus, today is my day to do weights with cardio. I never thought I would enjoy weight resistance training, but you know what, as Diet Girl has mentioned in her blog, it really is fantastic. It makes you feel good, strong and healthy, and it really gives results. I only started doing it at the beginning of the year, but I am really loving it. And I have been finding myself even becoming converted (slowly) to the exercise bike. My most loathed piece of exercise equipment because of the boredom, the sore butt and the fact that as a teenager I had one and used to ride on it endlessly to lose weight but to no avail... However, this time, in the gym (with the varying intensity) I am finding that the trainer is right - it is a good form of cardio, it really works my legs like nothing else and I even manage to build up a sweat despite being pretty fit these days. So the bike has become part of my routine. Like with everything else in life, this weight loss journey has been opening me up to new things, forcing me to try things I wouldn't normally try and along the way I have taken on board many of them, incorporating them into my life because they are good for me and/or I enjoy them - ideally both.
Ok, well time for lunch and then later on the gym.

Little Miss Normal (feeling decidedly more normal today)